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A Lion's Roar

sensingradiance

Updated: Jan 15

A declaration to the World,


My beloved no one


Whoever you are, wherever you are


For whatever mysterious reason


I love you for who you are


That is my fire challenge, my initiation, my dragon-koan


And if I succeed, I may die with deep joy, knowing that I fulfilled my purpose, my paradoxical function


Of unconditional love, unrestricted mystery, unmeshed mutuality


Even if the love is unrequited


I love you for your neurosis, which I think is something rare in this human world


Even you, my great opponent


Yes, you! I would have never thought I would say this about someone garnished with shiny narcissistic ornaments


And yet there is it


I can see that this too is human, and can even come with extraordinary soul power, splendor and self-giving, if this energy is transmuted


It does not necessarily mean I want to interact with you


Without reciprocity, basic respect


As I have strangely plunged into the depths of redemptive love, in all its fearlessness, tenderness, and mysterious act of restoration


It does not mean I necessarily like you


The immature ego child, with its distortions and wounded projections, which is not all that lovely


Yet undeniably just perfect as well, in its own mirroring act


That is just the way the ego is


I can love and appreciate the whole show, from distance




Yet there is no distance whatsoever in this enigmatic collaboration


In which I am able to viscerally feel the other, and not quite differentiate what its mine and what is yours


But the pain, and the glorious charm


This conscious suffering, inter-dependent karma: Yes, this is what is happening


Both the mind’s fears, and their self-release


Both the divine inspirations, and their self-release


Knowing the other as the raw sacred other


Even though there is no otherness


Not losing our delicious two-ness in one-ness


This declaration is not a watcher state


This deeply immersive fluidity, freedom from all fixed positions, absolute insatiate emancipation, overflowing suchness


It has its intensity, non human empathy, whatever this is


I am aware it's kind of random, this visceral Eternity vista that transcends time and space, expanding and morphing the shapes and rules of my reality; constant release, regeneration


With terrifying echoes of its genetically uninhibited creative power, majesty, pure radiance


That could be called Love, but not in any sense that I have used the word before


Because if it would hit me fully this body would instantly die


Which gives something to look for, at the time of physical death




Anyways,


Any human being with whom we aspire true meeting, authentic relatedness, is a koan


A point of entry


Sometimes it means to fight for someone, their soul restoration, against all odds, total exertion, in all its messiness and perfection


And when you have done your absolutely best, to give up


Now I know what it means to go beyond myself, beyond my capacities, beyond what I thought I was, like some sort of all-encompassing super human effort


That a mother is able to do, if they see their child about to be hit by a car


Like a willing choice, even there is no choice


Almost like against my will, even there is no will


Then simply let go


And even I have no agenda, no reasons for my exertion, I feel mysteriously rewarded


With something unanticipated


I'm pierced by one of my own arrows


I'm wounded by my own sharply cutting blade


And I bleed willingly, amused, rather enchanted


This is another kind of ego death, loss


Than the one I already know: in Supreme Void


Which has its own otherworldly beauty, intensity and incommunicable silence


This another kind of ego death, this earthly one


Has a different raw tenderness to it


As it happens within the embodied matrix of our shared existence


Our original knot


Our threads, interlacing, unraveling


Eternally renewing


Eternally undone


This kind of death feels a bit like a loving commitment


To the creation, the Pattern


A spontaneous act of affirmation


Of our basic goodness, basic sanity


Dynamic primal space


I don’t understand it, but it claims me


And suddenly it feels like I won in a cosmic lottery


And I celebrate this bewildering unexpected defeat


This nonsensical abundance


With this lion's roar





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