A declaration to the World,
My beloved no one
Whoever you are, wherever you are
For whatever mysterious reason
I love you for who you are
That is my fire challenge, my initiation, my dragon-koan
And if I succeed, I may die with deep joy, knowing that I fulfilled my purpose, my paradoxical function
Of unconditional love, unrestricted mystery, unmeshed mutuality
Even if the love is unrequited
I love you for your neurosis, which I think is something rare in this human world
Even you, my great opponent
Yes, you! I would have never thought I would say this about someone garnished with shiny narcissistic ornaments
And yet there is it
I can see that this too is human, and can even come with extraordinary soul power, splendor and self-giving, if this energy is transmuted
It does not necessarily mean I want to interact with you
Without reciprocity, basic respect
As I have strangely plunged into the depths of redemptive love, in all its fearlessness, tenderness, and mysterious act of restoration
It does not mean I necessarily like you
The immature ego child, with its distortions and wounded projections, which is not all that lovely
Yet undeniably just perfect as well, in its own mirroring act
That is just the way the ego is
I can love and appreciate the whole show, from distance
Yet there is no distance whatsoever in this enigmatic collaboration
In which I am able to viscerally feel the other, and not quite differentiate what its mine and what is yours
But the pain, and the glorious charm
This conscious suffering, inter-dependent karma: Yes, this is what is happening
Both the mind’s fears, and their self-release
Both the divine inspirations, and their self-release
Knowing the other as the raw sacred other
Even though there is no otherness
Not losing our delicious two-ness in one-ness
This declaration is not a watcher state
This deeply immersive fluidity, freedom from all fixed positions, absolute insatiate emancipation, overflowing suchness
It has its intensity, non human empathy, whatever this is
I am aware it's kind of random, this visceral Eternity vista that transcends time and space, expanding and morphing the shapes and rules of my reality; constant release, regeneration
With terrifying echoes of its genetically uninhibited creative power, majesty, pure radiance
That could be called Love, but not in any sense that I have used the word before
Because if it would hit me fully this body would instantly die
Which gives something to look for, at the time of physical death
Anyways,
Any human being with whom we aspire true meeting, authentic relatedness, is a koan
A point of entry
Sometimes it means to fight for someone, their soul restoration, against all odds, total exertion, in all its messiness and perfection
And when you have done your absolutely best, to give up
Now I know what it means to go beyond myself, beyond my capacities, beyond what I thought I was, like some sort of all-encompassing super human effort
That a mother is able to do, if they see their child about to be hit by a car
Like a willing choice, even there is no choice
Almost like against my will, even there is no will
Then simply let go
And even I have no agenda, no reasons for my exertion, I feel mysteriously rewarded
With something unanticipated
I'm pierced by one of my own arrows
I'm wounded by my own sharply cutting blade
And I bleed willingly, amused, rather enchanted
This is another kind of ego death, loss
Than the one I already know: in Supreme Void
Which has its own otherworldly beauty, intensity and incommunicable silence
This another kind of ego death, this earthly one
Has a different raw tenderness to it
As it happens within the embodied matrix of our shared existence
Our original knot
Our threads, interlacing, unraveling
Eternally renewing
Eternally undone
This kind of death feels a bit like a loving commitment
To the creation, the Pattern
A spontaneous act of affirmation
Of our basic goodness, basic sanity
Dynamic primal space
I don’t understand it, but it claims me
And suddenly it feels like I won in a cosmic lottery
And I celebrate this bewildering unexpected defeat
This nonsensical abundance
With this lion's roar

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